The best part of tonight’s episode wasn’t the dancing, even though the dancing was all pretty decent (unlike Cat). Nothing really floored me, however. I might actually delete this episode from the DVR within the week. 

The Guys:

They made Billy Bell do crumping, which I thought was hilarious, along with everyone on Twitter. He made an effort, but was unable to convince Nigel, et al. that he was Buck. Jose was also way out of his comfort zone with Bollywood, but it looked like he was having a good time. (On a side note, Catherine is really hot. Snowflake pulled off the Indian-filigree thing quite well.) Kent and Robert were both accused of letting their partners “eat” them. Which I thought was bullshit, but I guess they have to give them notes. I thought Robert was particularly good in his tango, and I kind of want hair like that. Adechike was much more emotive this week, which the judges appreciated. He looked more comfortable in a not-as-sexy situation. Alex Wong (whom I can only call by his first and last name for some reason) did his technician thing in a Broadway routine but lacked the “inner fire” necessary. Like when that Transformer was going to put that All Spark thing into his chest? That’s what the judges wanted.

The Girls:

My favorite effort of the night was Lauren and Dominic’s lyrical hip hop routine to Beyonce’s “Like a Boy,” a song I’ve never liked. I think Lauren is head-and-shoulders the best female, so I voted for her. Afterward, she was crying, so I’ve concluded that the lyrics must’ve affected her and she must be a hermaphrodite. ***Al, if you’re reading this, skip this part*** No, I’m kidding. But you know who the real kidder is? Cat Deeley. Best part of the show was her asking Dominic if he wanted to go to a “deeper place.”

Cristina was in her element with a Paso Doble. Good shit from my boy Jean Marc. Lighting and effects were Broadway quality. Ashley got a “Jazz” routine from Travis Wall, which the judges didn’t consider Jazz. Personally, I think that “Jazz” term has been historically pretty open for interpretation. Melinda got a Stacey Tookey routine, which I was upset about because I thought she was going to fuck it up, but she didn’t.

While tonight wasn’t her moment of moments, Stacey Tookey is actually one of my favorite choreographers. I mean, that’s very emo of me to admit, but she’s done some really impressive pieces (Evan and Randy) (Karla and Jonathan). Oh, and does anyone else find Mandy Moore’s choreography unremarkable? I’ve never seen a piece from her that’s gotten me excited in any way. She’s never bad, but she’s not worth having on the show if she’s never good. She’s a poor man’s Tookey.

Judges did two unprecedented things (for this season): 1. disagreed 2. didn’t fall all over themselves for Travis Wall’s routine. Bravo. (I saw Travis muttering to himself later. He looked like he’d been slapped by his mother.)

My picks to get booted: Adechike (hasn’t really impressed yet), Ashley (boring), Melinda (shouldn’t be on the show in the first place)