So, tonight we saw “the best routine ever to grace the So You Think You Can Dance stage”! No. Sorry, Alex Wong. It was good—probably the best of the night—but definitely not best of all time. That’s the judges trying to build hype for the season. “Nyew Standahd” my ass, Nigel.

In praise of Nigel, though, I think the move to have the dancers dance with “all-stars” is a good one. It was difficult to judge individually otherwise.

I’ve noticed it’s also exposing the bottom of the field. Like Melinda or whatever her name was. She should not have even made the show. That was affirmative action if I’ve ever seen it. They gave the nod to a tapper for fear of having an all-contemporary field. She’ll be gone soon. (Tear. She’s kinda hot.) Watching her with Pasha was embarrassing; she looked like a brontosaurus next to him.

Girlyboys Billy Bell and Edward had some strong performances, as expected. They’re going to go far, I think. I’m afraid for their contemporary counterpart Adechike, however. He seemed like too much of a nice guy for his piece with Katherine. Katherine was steamy, and he was polite about it. He danced like I probably would: with a “don’t be creepy don’t be creepy” loop playing in his head. I think they should’ve taken the Other Black Guy instead. Anthony? (I refuse to look up names.)

Judges seem to like Jose, but I’m afraid he’s going to implode when they give him a Viennese Waltz or something. And if they like Jose, they want to marry Kent. He’s really good, though. I have to give it to ‘im. Endearing too. I feel like I’d want to give him a dollar to buy a soda pop. 

The girls! The beautiful girls. I think Lauren is going to be the tops here for the Boobed Half. In Vegas, her solo was truly something to behold. Tonight, she was just out of her element. Once she learns to sell it, though, she’s going to be unstoppable. I think she might even win. Meanwhile, I’m completely in love with Alexie. Before her routine I thought she was cute, but now, it’s just over. The judges gave her shit about being too cutesy. But did they see her come up from the ground on the lift? That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. (Well, close.) (Also, good to see my boy Twitch again.)

Christina is going to fail soon. Melinda already did. That other chick doesn’t have any presence. See? I don’t even remember her name. Ashley? Who knows. I don’t care.

The females in general this season don’t seem to be as strong as the males, which is unusual. I guess that’s why they chose 6 dudes and 5 chicks. I wonder what’s happening with elimination this time around. Still one girl, one guy? if not, I could see them doctoring it next time to even the field.